We're Moving

It has been six months since my twin children were born. It has been a busy time full of opportunities to learn more about each other. I have added some content to this site, but for the most part I would say that my contributions to the topic of IVF and fertility are now limited as I am not in the midst of that phase of my life. As a result I will be closing down this website. I hope you have found the information on this website useful and wish you all the best in your fertility and pregnancy journey, and beyond.

Artificial Insemination, IVF, Egg/Sperm Donation, Embryo Adoption and Surrogacy Related Questions

Two years ago my husband and I were referred to a fertility clinic by a specialist who focuses on male fertility issues. At the time the use of a clinic wasn't on our radar; however, since the doctor made the suggestion we took the next step.

If this hadn't happened I wonder how long it would have taken us to make the conclusion that we should go to a clinic? Would we have taken that decision at all?

When you take part in fertility clinic programmes there are many questions that come up. Some of them come to mind during the process. Many crop up long after the procedures have been concluded. When you are in the midst of making decisions about your options, objectivity isn't always possible. Your desire to have a child is so strong that you can adjust your assessment of a situation according to the desired outcome.

Now that my clinic experience has ended, I'm realizing more and more how many questions one could face during the process. It was only after I thought about three women I know who were adopted that I realized that the benefit of these questions has to be focussed on the feelings the resulting child will have about how he/she came into the world.

The first stage of options in fertility clinics is the use of artificial insemination. With this procedure the sperm is collected and inserted into the woman. If no drugs are used, the process is like an assisted version of normal reproductive practice. A pregnancy may or may not occur. When I asked about the statistics for this procedure the positive results were very low. I can't recall the exact statistics but I recall thinking "gosh that's an almost non-existent possibility". Not surprisingly, after several attempts nothing happened for us. If a child were to be the result of this procedure the parents would not need to divulge this information - if they so choose - to the child. Does it really make a significant difference if they were conceived in a bed or with some assistance in this fashion? The details of that moment are really not one that most parents would discuss at any rate. So successful couples would feel no pressure to reveal the information to the child or anyone for that matter.

When AI doesn't work the next step is AI with drugs. This is where the options become trickier. When drugs are taken, the clinic will not proceed with AI if in excess of a certain number of eggs are produced. If they do there is a high possibility of multiple births. While the details have not been forthcoming, this appears to be what happened in the famous "John and Kate" scenario. Still, even if your numbers are below the cutoff (I think it is about 4) there is still a possibility of multiples, including the possibility that one egg will divide. This pregnancy will bring about specific questions from members of the community. Did you use fertility treatment? Why did you choose to selectively reduce some of the embryos? How will you support these children financially and otherwise? Going into the AI with drugs option, we may not ask these questions but we will have to face them if the results are positive.

If an AI with drugs preparation period results in an excessive amount of eggs the cycle can be converted immediately to an IVF schedule. In this case the couple don't have too much time to think about IVF. This was my experience. This is a hard situation because there are many questions that come out of the IVF experience.

As the level of complexity increases with IVF so does the complexity of the questions. Do you really need to try IVF? Are you a good candidate? Are you financially able to afford IVF? If this IVF cycle doesn't work will you then commit to more? How many more can you afford financially and emotionally? Will your partner share your commitment to multiple IVF attempts? What will you do if you have more embryos than you need for implantation? Will you keep some for a future pregnancy? Will you give some up for scientific research? Do you feel that life has not begun at that point so you can therefore leave them for research purposes? Will you destroy them? (The same question about when life begins holds.) Will you make them available for adoption? Will it be an open or closed adoption? Does your clinic have an embryo adoption programme? Will you tell your family and friends that you have used IVF? Will you be able to support possible multiples? If you have multiples will you then have no need for the extra embryos? (This brings you back to the previous questions.) How will you explain to your child (will you?) that he/she was conceived using IVF? IVF has in the past been referred to as creating test tube babies. The procedure is becoming more accepted; however, it will be a long time before your child's beginning of life will be commonplace. If you tell your child but not your family will the child have to keep a secret? Will you tell your child about any successful outcomes of adopted out embryos? Will your child be in contact with that other child (as a kind of open adoption)? Will that other child have the chance to meet your family?

As you can imagine, most people do not go through all these mental scenarios. Once again, the perspective one takes can be clouded by one's desire to have a child. My thoughts on what would happen to extra embryos became very different after I went through the IVF process. During IVF you hang on every moment of conception and implantation. You wait to hear word about how the embryos are developing and dividing and you follow every stage of development through ultrasound and reading information online. Nowadays we know a lot more about reproduction than our mothers did. Not surprisingly you may come to the conclusion that life does begin at conception and you can't possibility conceive of anything other than embryo adoption for extra embryos. This is where you could hit a road block. If your clinic does not have an embryo adoption programme you will be responsible for shipping them elsewhere/finding a home for the embryos. This is not an easy task.

If you try one or more rounds of IVF and you do not encounter success you will either stop your plans to start a family, look into adoption options or consider egg/sperm donation, surrogacy or embryo adoption. Couples choose egg or sperm donation when one partner is unable to contribute to the development of the baby. They see this option as a way for at least one of the parents to be related to the child. Embryo adoption is considered desirable when a couple want to provide their own loving and healthy in utero environment for the child. (Something that is not always present when a child is in utero with a birth mother.) This connection continues through the process of birth and nursing. Surrogacy is seen as an option when a woman's womb cannot grow a baby, but the couple would like the child to be related to them. All of these options pose significant challenges to the normal expectations for conception and birth and must be seen as a form of adoption.

The questions that you would face in a regular adoption process apply here. They are also drastic departures from the normal biological patterns of the human race. Babies are conceived by two partnered people (usually loving partners) and are born in the same womb that conceived them. While egg/sperm donation, surrogacy and embryo adoption are common practice amongst the Hollywood set, the rest of the world is still somewhat uncomfortable simply with IVF. If you doubt this claim, ask a woman who has twins these days how many prying questions she has had about whether there are twins in her family and whether she used IVF. All the world's a reality TV show these days, it seems.

In one article I read on the issues surrounding egg donation, it was claimed that most clinics advise their patients to not tell their child about the donated egg. I was shocked by this information. In 2010 if you adopted a child would you consider not telling your child that he/she is adopted?

Listening to friends who were adopted talk about their experiences it is clear that human beings have a strong desire to know about their origins. They value the efforts and love of their adoptive parents, but they also want to know about their genetic roots - as far back as they can discover. This is one part of the adoption equation. They also care deeply about the reason for their adoption. Who were their parents? Why did they choose to give up their baby for adoption? The other concern is that they understand that the first nine months of their life in utero were spent with another woman. Indeed surrogates have a legal right to keep the baby they have borne. For parents the strong desire to have a child reaches its conclusion when a child is born. During the child's youth questions surrounding the child's origin are not challenged. However when the child becomes an adult, if that person is not comfortable or satisfied with how these origins were explained, problems can ensue.

Here are a few challenges I have heard about from women who were adopted by non fertility procedures.

- my parents really shouldn't have adopted. They were 40 and too old to have children

- people in their late 30s have left it too late to have children

- I felt apart from the other siblings in my family who were not adopted

- I wanted to know about my biological family background. I found out that my biological mother had not told her family about my existence and did not want to introduce me to them

- If I have children I will not consider adopting as an option

Of course not all experiences with adoption are negative; however, you have to think about how you will educate your child about his/her roots.

Regarding egg/sperm donation, how will you explain to your child that half of their genetic make up comes from another person (likely unknown to the family)? Since the beginning of human history children have resulted from the union of a man and woman. Ideally they are in love (although not always). Egg donation breaks this anthropological reality. How do you feel about this departure? How will you successfully explain your decisions and the decisions of the egg donor (who likely donated eggs for the money) to your child? How will the child feel about their connection to the biologically related parent compared to the non biologically parent? How will the non-related parent feel looking at the child knowing that the features not belonging to the spouse belong to another person and his/her family? Will the child want to know if he/she has siblings? Will it be possible to find out this information? Will it be possible to make contact? Will you explain the nature of your child's background to family or friends? If you do not make the information widely known, what will you say when friends talk about how the child resembles the non-related parent?

If you choose to use a surrogate how will you explain this decision to the child/family and friends? How will you explain the reason the surrogate carried your child? How will you respond to criticism that you took your desire to have a biological child too far? Will you consider going to a country like India where poor women have children for others in order to make money? Do you feel this is an ethical practice?

You may think that many of these questions are unnecessary. Consider that many of the girls adopted from China in the 1990s are now asking to meet their biological families. It is becoming clear that most of them were given up for adoption due to the one child policy, not because they were not wanted. A good number of them were caught up in human trafficking or were forcibly taken from their families. Human beings have a strong urge to understand their origins and how they came into this world. This reality is not only unavoidable but is a sensitive topic.

Also consider that even with natural procreation methods, children have many questions about the beginning of their life.

- If you and dad weren't in love any more why did you have a child?
- If you already had enough children, why didn't you use birth control?
- If you weren't married, why weren't you more careful/why didn't you use birth control?
- If I was a love child, did you only marry because I was going to be born?

We may not want to face these questions but the reality is that in the future our offspring will probably ask these questions of us. Knowing these questions won't stop us from engaging in fertility treatments. Keep in mind that when we join fertility groups or chat on fertility boards online, we are meeting people who are like minded and have similar goals. It is a good idea to have someone in our lives who is not a ready supporter of our decisions. Someone who can provide a healthy dose of scepticism. I have such a person in my life. His hard questions forced me to face up to the realities of the process in which I had engaged. As a result I feel that I have been more thorough and have taken better decisions that affect the future of other people's lives. It's not going to be a perfect response, but it's my best effort.

Couple sues sperm donor

Judge rules surrogate mother may keep child

More women donating eggs in bad economy

Embryo adoption pros and cons



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Taking a Break

I will be taking a break from posting on this weblog as I prepare to deliver twins and adjust to the new routine. I hope to be able to start adding content again in a few months.

Have a great summer.

Image source

Women and Motherhood

When was motherhood ever simple? While many women are juggling the challenges of full-time, demanding careers and motherhood these days, it strikes me that motherhood in years gone by was equally strenuous. Women raised large families on humble household incomes. There was no child-rearing help available from the husband, few household conveniences and the birth process often took place under uncontrolled circumstances in the home. When women were able to enter the workforce in the '60s and '70s, a lack of family friendly workplace policies made life that much more difficult. It's misleading to characterize motherhood in the past as simple in comparison to the seemingly complex motherhood options currently on offer in the industrialized world.

Flash forward fifty years and it looks like assumptions about women and motherhood are still off base. How often do women's careers today trump parenthood plans? How often do women today feel that having a child is a right to be fulfilled at any price? To women who have been able to procreate, it may seem that women living different lifestyles feel this way. Don't be too quick to assume that a childless woman is career driven and ultimately will feel entitled to parenthood.


What is the alternative for the childless working woman? In our urban centres daily overhead is high and most men and women are expected and want to have careers. ("Gold diggers" and unmotivated people aside.) Increasingly women are being more careful about entering into marriage and parenting situations. Note - being more careful is not akin to "being fussy". They no longer have to marry for the sake of economic stability. Many a miserable housewife in the 20th century would have envied the modern woman's options. Today's working women are also aware of the basic characteristics needed in a potential father of their future children. The current idea is that you develop your career concurrently with any hopes/plans you may have to marry. Gains in all areas do not necessarily line up according to a planned timeframe. Sometimes it takes time, for example, to meet a life partner. If you are getting married in your mid 30s you may not have a child until you are nearing age 40 or older. Most importantly, in the midst of all these considerations the woman involved does not see having a child as something to which she is entitled. Rather her desire is a natural one similar to those held by procreating women in their 20s.

In recent years motherhood aspirations of single women age 30 plus have come under increased scrutiny in the media. I find it interesting that women in their mid 30s are labeled as "going stale" if they haven't been successful in their procreation efforts, or haven't had the chance yet. If they remain childless for a further five years, apparently it's over for them. They've arrived at motherhood too late. Meanwhile no comments are made about the women who started having children in her 20s and finishes - sometimes after some effort - in her early 40s.

Many of the challenges related to fertility issues in years gone by were not discussed openly. You may have known a childless aunt who had multiple miscarriages. The doctors couldn't explain why. Or there may have been a woman who never discussed why she didn't have children. She hid her disappointment that it hadn't been possible. In more recent decades adoption has become a more complicated and drawn out process. After the trauma of years of infertility, many women choose to not engage in any further potentially disappointing processes. Childless women aren't quietly mourning, but they do have to move on with their lives because they have no choice. Many women have experienced fertility related disappointments. As a society, their dashed hopes becomes invisible amongst their more fecund contemporaries

While it is true that fertility treatments have developed in recent years, and ethical considerations about procedures and outcomes need to be refined, the use of IUI and IVF have been around for decades. Private clinics are making the treatments more readily available and, therefore, more commonly used. The availability of these services can help to reduce the disappointment of fertility challenges.

Recently the fertility stories in the news seem to have gotten more extreme. A single woman has 8 children - for a grand total of 14 - using a poorly controlled fertility treatment. How many women do you know who are having large numbers of children the same way? How many 50 or 60 years old women do you know who are using fertility treatments? I'm guessing that you don't know any.

It is much more likely that you know, or know of, a single woman who has the economic means to adopt a child. Before you shake your head and say "tsk tsk", consider that these women are often adopting older toddlers and preschool age children who would be otherwise overlooked. Or they are adopting babies to take them out of deficient homes and futures. I have seen these types of families and have seen the light go on in the eyes of the children adopted by committed single mothers.

Members of the media love to jump on bizarre family life situations and Lord knows media stars such as actors do not disappoint in this regard. How many people do you know who are naming their children after fruit? How many are getting expensive 4d ultrasounds purely for entertainment and curiosity purposes? How many are registering for baby gifts at trendy stores? Can you argue that having a midwife and home water birth, or saving umbilical cords for medical motivations, is so bad? Still, how many of your contemporaries are actually choosing these options?

I'm guessing the aforementioned doesn't describe most people you know.

Is parenthood out of control these days? I find it amusing when women in their late 40s and 50s make such pronouncements. When they were procreating back in the '80s and '90s, it was a time when the superficial details mattered in increasingly affluent households. Children were an extension of this yuppy ideal. Any extreme trends that you now see amongst parents today - such as micro managing a child's teacher or "heliccopter parenting"- began back then. These trends certainly didn't exist in previous decades and it can be argued that today's parents have learned from the mistakes of the parents of the 80s and 90s.

These ideas came to mind when I read the following article. I would suggest that before one jumps on trendy news snippets, journalists and readers alike should take the time to review the real life situations behind the news bites.

Hollywood Mums Are Leading the Modern High-Tech Baby Boom

Related:

Single black women choosing to adopt

The last great taboo: Why are we childless women treated like second-class citizens?

...and then there are the atypical stories:

Afterbirth: It's What's For Dinner

Hold your unborn baby

"Tweet kicks from the womb"

For some parents-to-be, even 3D ultrasounds aren’t enough to stay on top of their baby’s progress. To solve this problem, NYU grad student Corey Menscher rigged up a high-tech belt for his pregnant wife that notified him when their unborn baby kicked. Menscher called the device the Kickbee, which sent messages to the father’s phone via Twitter. Although a product like this won’t be easy to find on store shelves anytime soon, if it does hit the market, one can only request that GPS is an add-on for the plugged-in Dad-to-be.

Career woman image source

Helicopter Parents Image source: Newsweek, May 22nd, 2006




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Parenting Books Regarding the Infant Years (Ages 0 - 3)

I haven't posted on this weblog for some time as I have been consumed with details surrounding bed rest and related challenges. I have a fair bit to share on this topic, but may not be able to consolidate my ideas until I have had time to reflect - hopefully by September.

Until then, I'd like to share my choice of resource books that I have ordered in preparation for the birth. I probably won't add a medical book as you can find good medical sites online, and I have the ability to call a government nurse over the phone in the province where I live.

I have heard high praise about the writings and research of Tim Seldin and decided to order his book How to Raise an Amazing Child. For more information about the work of Tim Seldin's organization see www.montessori.org


I own a copy of Sylvana Montenaro's book Understanding the Human Being, which focuses on the 0 - 3 age group from a Montessori perspective. I wanted to find some recent contributions to this field so I chose the Child's Play activities based book and the following book by Clare Healy. Volume 3 focuses on the 0 - 3 age group.



I received high praise about the book from a new mother and decided to have it on hand as a resource. Apparently it can tie in with the five principles of sleep (as described in the following link) and in the Happiest Baby on the Block book.



The following book appears to be a good modern version of a Dr. Spock type primer.



Tim Seldin speaks about Montessori education:







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Losing the Last 15 Pounds

I'm not into the whole diet book, counting calories and weight loss scene. My mind just isn't disciplined enough to be counting calories / points for types of food all day. ...but I'm sure I will be more interested in this topic a few months post pregnancy once the breast feeding influence has waned! Still, I saw this clip and thought it made a lot of sense. Although it's quite different from the common calorie counting/avoid this and that approach you see in many weight loss programmes. A shocking statistic is that only 2% of people who go on these more trendy diets actually keep off the weight!

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Video regarding the Last 15 Pounds - Check it out! It's upbeat and encouraging.


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Article related to the show


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The Last 15 Pounds Book


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Similar ideas on another site




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Away We Go

When I heard about this movie I thought "This sounds good and relevant." Ironically I'm too pregnant and housebound to get out and see it in a cinema. So I'll have to wait. While it appears to focus on a couple having a child, it also seems to be about two people pushing 35 who are sorting out where they are at in life and how they want to live their lives.

I was interested to read the following thoughts by the director Sam Mendes (of Revolutionary Road and American Beauty fame).

"I like seeing the spaces in which people are living. I like holding my shots for awhile. I like people's body language [...] The traditions of a romantic comedy are almost alweays - are they or aren't they going to get together. At the end of the second act there's a run through the rain, there's some crisis, they're separated, and then they're back together again and there's a happy ending. [...] Instead of a story where the couple turn in on each other and have a crisis, [in this movie the couple] turn outward to face the world. They are a unit. They're in love - that's established early on - and we're given access to their private world and how they will take that and survive. [...] That sense of insecurity enters in and you start judging yourself by other people's standards. I think we live in a world where you're confronted constantly, directly, by other people's lives. It's television culture. It's in people's homes and people say 'That's what I want. I want that life.' So it's frustrating if you can't get it. [...] The movie is about not wanting to play by those rules, about not wanting to define success and family and life by other people's families, but only by your own. I think that's awesome and inspiring."


If you find today's culture - whether its depicted in the media or in your community - makes it difficult for you to discover who you really are impedes your ability to set realistic goals, this may be the movie for you.

Interview with Maya Rudolph

Interview with John Krasinski

The movie got mixed reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. One of those "you love it or you don't" type movies, it seems.

seems.





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Sounds for Silence: Soothing a Crying Baby

Sounds for Silence - A CD of sounds that mimic the sounds a baby hears in the womb.

After watching a demonstration of this CD on the news I'm speed ordering one of these!

Evidently, if your child is crying and distressed (and presumably is not hungry, wet or sick), these sounds will help calm 9 out of 10 babies!

Sounds for Silence website

Purchase on Amazon.com

Soothe Crying Baby 101

Soothing a Crying Baby

The No Cry Sleep Solution



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Surrogacy Pregnancies - A New Trend?

Despite rampant rumours that their marriage is on the rocks and that he is having an affair, it seems that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are happy enough together to expand their family. They announced yesterday that they are expecting twin daughters via a surrogate monther.

As Sarah Jessica is in her mid 40s, we can assume that this is an alternative to any attempts she may or may not have had to have another child herself. It seems that Sarah Jessica would have chosen from different options for a surrogacy pregnancy.

In traditional surrogacy pregnancies (the straight method) the surrogate mothers is pregnant with her own biological child. The husband (Matthew in this case) may be the biological father. Or a sperm donor may be used.

In gestational surrogacy pregnancies (the Host method) the surrogate is pregnant using an embryo transfer that would involve a contribution from one or both of the parents. Or presumably from another egg donor and sperm donor.

Surrogacy pregnancies can be altruistic (no financial reward is given to the parties involved), or commercial (money is exchanged). Critics of commercial surrogacy pregnancies refer to "wombs for rent", "outsourced pregnancies" or "baby farms". There has been criticism recently of North Americans (some well over 50) who are going to countries such as India to pay lower income women to be their surrogates.

For couples who cannot carry a child to term for medical or other reasons, surrogacy - like the use of adopted embryos and eggs - is an alternative when unresolved infertility becomes an issue. Surrogacy pregnancies are not common and prospective parents will need to decide if they are comfortable with the underlying issues - some of them ethical - related to this procedure. Additionally there can be legal implications to this arrangement. In Canada, for example, commercial surrogacy pregnancies have been banned. Should she change her mind after the birth, there is also the possibility that the surrogate mother will not relinquish the child to the waiting parents.

Canadian perspective on surrogacy pregnancies

Commercial surrogacy in India

Surrogate decides to keep baby. Judge agrees.



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Pregnancy Photography

I've always thought that photographs of the pregnant body look artistic and fascinating. Perhaps in the back of my mind I thought that I too could be in one of these diaphanous, softly lit photos with sheer curtains blowing and closeups of bellies and embracing hands.

So far my efforts have been the typical "here I am at X week" format worthy of a family scrapbook.

These photographs - including efforts made to visit photography studios - say a lot about our attitudes towards the pregnant body. Add in the style of maternity clothes that we choose to wear, and comments made by us or others, and you start to get a complete picture.

I choose to wear the looser maternity clothing gifted to me by my family purely because I am more comfortable that way. I wouldn't mind wearing the striking, fitted designer maternity wear that is available, but wouldn't be able to justify the cost. Sadly I probably won't have a chance to visit a photographer's studio because my mobility has been affected and I spend most days at home.

Do you feel your pregnant body is fat? Do others say you look gorgeous? What do our choice in words reveal?

As one article I read explained - a pregnant woman is not fat. Her belly (a casual term tat shouldn't be thought of as her stomach) is firm and brimming with life.

Pregnancy photos on Flickr

Image source



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So Many Choices

40,000 baby names? 100,000? What a frightening thought. It's hard to choose baby names when a couple have at least 100 family members in their extended family between them. Not to mention the fact that most friends have procreated. Throw in the added detail that a handful of friends and family are having babies a few months earlier and you know that there's no point choosing names too soon.

It is interesting to look at trends in baby naming over the decades.

In the 1880s popular names for girls - now considered more old fashioned - were Minnie, Alice and Marie.

In the 1890s along came Ethel, Florence and Ida.

Then in 1900 a name now considered to be hopelessly old fashioned was popular - Bertha.

In the 1910s, Mildred made and appearance and hung on in popularity, along with Ethel.

Virginia and Betty made unexpected appearances as early as the 1920s.

In the 1930s Eugene was a popular boy's name, while Dolores was popular for girls.
In the 1950s, a whole new crop of female names surface, including Linda as the most popular girl's name. Other names - now considered to be old school - appeared on lists, including Karen, Pamela, Brenda and Janice. None of these names would be hot choices in 2009.

In the 1960s both Debra and Deborah were popular, but Jennifer didn't feature on the list.

But wait for it. In the 1970s, out of nowhere, Jennifer became the most popular name. Other more casual sounding and popular names included Tammy and Dawn.

In the 1980s top boys names remained traditional while girls names included Tiffany, crystal and Amber.

More experimentation with boys names could finally be seen in the 1990s when names such as Tyler and Austin appeared on the popular names lists.

In the late 1990s Madison appears for girls and holds on in the years that follow. Hannah appears in the 1990s and picks up strongly in the 2000s - as do Emily and Emma.

A recent trend for girls has been names that either sound masculine (or unisex) or sound like family names. New trends include green, traditional and virtue names.

What fascinates me is how a couple can strive so hard to choose a name that is unique, only to find out that the names they chose for their first and second born turned out to be the top names in both categories for the years those children were born.

Alternative Baby Names (for the couple that truly want to strike off down their own path).

Can your name make you a criminal?



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Second Trimester (Late) Abortions

The topic of abortion is very black and white. You either support abortion procedures or you don't. Some people may be against abortion but might support it under extraordinary circumstances (eg threats to the mother's heath or pregnancy resulting from horrific circumstances.) Personally I find it hard to understand how people decide at what point a fetus becomes a baby/person. There are some medical definitions and terminology for the different stages in utero. Having just completed a 20 week ultrasound, I realized that some people still have abortions in the second trimester.

Image source (taken in 3D at 20 weeks)

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Embracing Maternity Clothes Early On

At the start of my pregnancy I decided that I would try to wear my regular clothes as long as possible. I thought the idea of belly bands made a lot of sense. You can use your regular pants, keep them a bit open on the top and hide this fact with a tube top like band. So I took some knit tank tops, cut off the straps and created some bands. I tried them for awhile, but it didn't work that well. It felt like I was losing my clothes and I was constantly tugging my pants up. When my mum came to town (when I was at about week 13) she took one look at the situation and told me that my whole wardrobe was to go out the door, in boxes, ready to be shipped to her storage area. In came a host of maternity clothes from my family - many as part of my birthday gift and others from my mum. (She recently lost a lot of weight after a stroke so she has been sending me some of those large pieces as well.) I find the maternity clothes, in particular, are so much more comfortable than squeezing into regular clothes that aren't designed for the pregnant form.

No, we all can't look as fabulous as the Hollywood actors dashing about in expensive clothes and the latest sets of expensive maternity wear. ...but I do strongly recommend an early investment in some key pieces for a more comfortable time of it. Thanks go to my mum (and family) for getting me organized!




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Designer Babies - IVF Gone Too Far?

Babies made to order. But at what price? If you have gone through IVF treatment/fertility treatment, it probably seems hard to understand how parents could enter into this process with a shopping list in hand. Your main hope probably was simply that you could have a pregnancy. This offering hasn't been confirmed yet, and the debate is on about whether it is appropriate or not.

Fertility Clinic in LA Chooses Baby Gender/Characteristics

Special deliveries: Are designer babies arriving?
L.A. clinic is advertising controversial procedure to preselect physical traits




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Considerations Regarding Frozen Embryos

Most of us have heard celebrities talk about their frozen eggs or embryos - or their desire to create some. Just recently, Nadya Suleman spoke about her stored embryos and her unwillingness to destroy them. Reality TV has conditioned the average citizen to believe that they can dive into any conversation about these types of topics, at any time and in any fashion with just about anyone. While I discussed my IVF procedures with very few people, after disclosing that I am expecting twins one of the main questions has been "SO - did you take fertility drugs?" Last time I checked, I hadn't asked these people about their procreation activities.

Since the average citizen does not know these celebrities/ well known people, they can assume that the motivations of celebrities are well placed or not. They are free to assume what they wish as they do not know these people personally. As a result, the opinions formed by the masses on topics such as IVF or frozen embryos can be sharp. When they turn their attention to an average citizen, they forget that they are not speaking about or to a person they do not know. They can forget to modulate their questions and can present their opinions and questions in a rough manner. They can even assume that the person in question is as shallow as they perceive celebrities to be.

"Well I guess you didn't really think about the fact that these other embryos you created are human life. You can't just throw them in the garbage. What are you going to DO about them. HEY?"

Almost immediately after I found out that my first IVF treatment was a success, someone close to me asked what I would do with the two remaining embryos. It felt like this conversation was more important than anything else that was ongoing in my fertility journey. While it's an important consideration, firstly it is not one that I needed to have one month into my pregnancy. It simply was not the appropriate time for such a consideration (considering both my pregnancy and the embryos). Secondly it's a conversation that I should be having with my partner. I don't need to be explaining myself to other people. I am fully aware of all of the options and the underlying issues behind each choice. ....thank you for asking. Oh and by the way, the decision we take will be well informed, sensitive to biological and spiritual considerations and will be kept confidential. Just as there are many topics that others do not feel required to discuss with the world at large.


Couples struggle with choices regarding unused embryos

Embryo Adoption, Stem Cell Research, Partial Birth Abortion

IVF and the ethical dilemmas of infertility



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Multiples and IVF

The constant stream of news about multiple births and IVF continues. It is interesting to note that in these cases, on average, four embryos were transplanted. In Canada a more conservative approach is taken. For women over 35, for example, a maximum of three are placed.

Thinking back, I can't recall the doctor talking about the possibility of an embryo splitting. He did talk about the chances of having one, two and three children.Technically, if you transplant three embryos you could have as many as six children. It is more likely, though, that you could have all three embryos succeed. In my case, the doctor indicated that the chances of having triplets was something like three percent. As a result, I never considered the possibility of more than two children. I also would never have considered having four embryos placed.

4-titude: 4 sets of quads born at same hospital
Phoenix medical center specializes in multiples; all came within six weeks



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It's Not Been a Good Week for Fertiity Treatment News

Sixty Year Old Woman Goes to India to Have Fertility Treatment and Gives Birth

Single Mother of Six Has Octuplets

The headlines are blaring everywhere and there is much discussion about the medical ethics related to implanting embryos in women well beyond the child bearing years, and implanting multiple embryos at one time in a women well within her child bearing years.

Watching the interview with Nadya Suleman, a few thoughts came to mind.



Difficulties related to conceiving are not necessarily the same as carrying a child. Some women have difficulties getting to the starting mark. Some can get there, but have difficulties carrying a child to term. Unfortunately some women have both situations going on. From what Suleman has said, she fell into the first category. Therefore it is not surprising that repeated attempts at IVF resulted in 14 children.

Suleman states confidently that she researches fertility statistics. If you are really honest with yourself you have to accept that the statistics help until a point. There are so many variables that can affect how a woman will progress with IVF. In order to know what your statistics will be you would have to be able to plot all of these variables. It is unlikely that Suleman's doctor did this. Considering her past four pregnancies, he should have assumed that implanting six embryos at once would result in a multiple pregnancy beyond twins.

In Canadian cities there are fewer options for fertility clinics . They tend to be well known and are closely regulated. These clinics err on the side of caution - the maximum amount of embryos they will implant are three. They take this approach with older women, not with women in their early 30s. In larger American cities,there are more clinics of varying standards. If you choose to go to a clinic that does not have a good track record (apparently this is the case with the last clinic Suleman used), you are taking a lot of risks.

Babies are beautiful but they have needs beyond those of breast feeding and snuggles. They have emotional and family infrastructure needs that are significant. Additionally, while some women are fixated on babies and young children, they are not as committed to motherhood when the children are older and have more complex needs. As one critic put it, going to grad school and accumulating the related debt is a hard enough task to do when you are single and a mother of six. Add eight more children into the picture and you will be in a debt cycle for years.

Recently I watched an edition of Super Nanny. A mother of ten children declared that she had always dreamed of having twelve children. She couldn't manage with ten and had enlisted her eldest three children to help her raise her younger children. To add to the mess, her husband was a closet alcoholic. Joe (AKA Super Nanny) was uncharacteristically angry with the parents and identified immediately that the mother was projecting her own feelings of frustration about her childhood onto her need for future children. Suleman has also made it very clear that her status as a single child has influenced her desire to have a large family.

Women of all ages have children under all kinds of circumstances - both reasonable and questionable. In the case of fertility clinics, however, where will they draw the line? If a couple goes to a clinic and they are not ready to bring a child into this world, I doubt that the clinic will decline services to them. Single women are going to clinics to have their eggs frozen and to receive fertility treatments. As one single woman in her early 30s said, "I'm freezing my eggs now because I WILL be having children." Traditionally it has been thought that a single mother carries a difficult burden. There are many statistics to confirm that single mothers, for example, often live in poverty. By offering fertility treatments to single women, are clinics setting up a potentially stressful situation for the resulting children? It is difficult to know where to draw the line when you see single women successfully raising children on their own. There are even single women going to poorer countries to adopt a child. The child's quality of life is vastly improved.

Hopefully the Suleman case will result in increased scrutiny of fertility clinics in the United States. Unfortunately, however, this will not stop women and couples from going to countries such as India to purchase fertility treatments that would not be approved in North America.

Video Clip featuring Suleman's mother



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The Wonders of Science and Ultrasounds

Recently I went to a genetic screening ultrasound (nuchal-translucency test). It was a fairly involved process where various specific measurements were taken to look at any possibilities of a genetic concern. The doctor on hand was reassured by the results - something that I found greatly reassuring.

Unfortunately the viewing screen on my small camera - the one that has video capabilities - doesn't work. So my guess at how close to film the ultrasound was off. It did end up with some images and smaller videos that show better when you can pop them up full screen. With one of the still images I created the kaleidescope image above using the ultrasound photo below. The latter shows the two heads of the twins we are expecting.

The following two videos show how the ultrasound process is used to create close-up profile images of babies' heads. These images are then measured and analyzed.





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Graves and the Pregnancy Path

The other day I happened to find myself in the waiting room of an endochrinologist and other doctors within a local hospital. A previous condition - Graves disease - has reared its ugly head again and I practically crawled my way to the hospital to get the diagnosis and drugs I require. It's hard to describe all of the symptoms of Graves disease. Imagine that you have a bad case of the flu and feel disoriented. Well that's a start. Something like one in a thousand women experience Graves disease while pregnant. I just want to take the medication and become stable as soon as possible.

In my tired and disoriented state, I wasn't expecting to end up in a small room where many heavily expectant women were seated. At 14 weeks (tomorrow) I'm still not obviously pregnant. I am showing a fair bit for someone at my stage, but it is still not the case that my stomach enters the room before I do! These women were exhibiting the form that I hope (and expect) to find myself in a few months. You hear all kinds of stories (complaints?) from women when they are pregnant or about previous pregnancies. They find the extra load to be cumbersome - a burden. I've heard all the gory details. To be honest, when you've really tried hard to become pregnant and have gone through some disappointments, it's a thrill to think that you could be in that state.

Even though I spend most of my time Monday to Friday rushing about in relation to work, I do sometimes think of the vast majority of my friends who have been pregnant before me. Many of them have live in other cities and countries. Some of them worked in busy jobs, like I do, while others were fortunate to have quieter sojourns at home. I rarely heard about their pregnancy process. I saw the odd photo - maybe - of them in a pregnant state. Their pregnancy passed without much shared information. It strikes me that there should have been much to talk about. It would seem that in today's society women are more removed from the details of each other's lives. Well not all women... but many. ...and so I find myself discussing my health and pregnancy details with women I don't know as well. They happen to work with me or they cross my path in some fashion during the course of the week. Perhaps it was the same for my friends?

It's not how I thought a pregnancy would be, but life is an ever evolving series of unexpected turns. IVF. Expecting Twins. Graves disease. You try so hard to become pregnant and realize that you have to relinquish control. Then when you do become pregnant you realize that there is still an element of the unexpected. Will you go full term? Will you require bed rest? What gender will your babies be?

Like the woman in the image above, it seems to work best when you find a quiet time and stop thinking about the "what ifs" and "when wills?".



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Fascinating Multiples

An award winning video from the show America's Funniest Home Videos has been making the rounds on the internet. The laughter of these four baby girls is infectious and people are intrigued by the challenge the parents must face raising four babies simultaneously.

A recent story about octuplets born in California has been a hot topic around town. Did you hear about the octuplets? If you're expecting multiples yourself, you will definitely have been asked the question. It has now come to light that the mother of the children is single, does not work and already has six children. (Her parents support the family financially.) Moreover the children were born using IVF.

Not surprisingly there was instant outrage in the medical community when this information came to light. A recent article in the Guardian gives more of the details. Such a large number of multiples puts both the children and mother at risk. It is clearly an irresponsible act to place so many embryos in a young, fertile woman. The controversy has also cast a negative shadow on the good work that fertility clinics are trying to achieve, working with women who are having difficulty conceiving.

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